Saturday, January 14, 2012

Zero is Not a Size

I am terrified of Hollywood.

Wait, that's probably not true. I am terrified by the concept of Hollywood. Namely, their obsession with thinness as beauty. I am relatively thin (compared to my relatives) and can fit into size 8 or 10. Considering I spent most of my teenage years being a size 14/16/18, I see myself as quite trimmed down and a good deal healthier (I can eat carrots without ranch dressing and celery without cheese whiz!)

But I am not and will never be a size 2. And as the title (taken from One Tree Hill) states, zero is not even a size as far as I'm concerned. It's impossible for me; and I don't mean that in a 'I will never' sense, I mean that in a I physically could never' sense. Big-boned isn't just an excuse, my skeletal frame would not fit into size 2 clothing.

Where Hollywood scares me is this: it's not all about talent. I'm talented (am I Meryl Strep? Hell no, but I can carry my own on a stage or a screen), but that may not matter. And coming from a background of theatre, that terrifies me. In theatre, if you can sing that high note no one else can, you get the part. If you have the right energy and can retain lines, grab a script! But this Wood of Holly that I'm desperate to work in focuses on 'The Look'. I'm an average-sized brunette with hazel eyes. This makes me just like about ten thousand other girls who want to work onscreen.

Now it's a numbers game. How many of those girls are going out for this part? How many can remember the lines and not screw up the audition? (here's hoping I'm in that category as well) How many will say yes if the part is offered to them? And on and on, ad nauseaum.

If you'll excuse me, I think I have to listen to "A Chorus Line" now. Ad nauseaum.

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